Welcome to the Raw recap where I write up a bunch of notes about the show as it goes on to show mercy on my Twitter followers.
Segment #1 - Triple H and Dean Ambrose Promo
If I'm going to keep writing about this Raw every week I need to stop watching Smackdown so I have something to write about these segments other than "pretty much what he did on Smackdown but longer". Triple H drones on about everyone having an authority figure in their life, the crowd actually chants for Roman, Dean Ambrose interrupts him, the crowd chant "Ambrose" much louder. Ambrose mentions Shane O'Mac, they chant for him even louder. I sometimes worry wrestling has passed me by.
A bizarrely awkward segment considering who's involved, a lot of weird pauses and forced in jokes. Basically, Ambrose wants a WWE title match, Triple H says he'll think about it and makes a match between Ambrose and Del Rio.
Segment #2 - Becky Lynch Vs Sasha Banks No 1 Contendership Match
You think with the DIVAS REVOLUTION™ and the fact this is a rematch of one of the more fondly remembered NXT Divas matches this would get higher billing than the second segment on a Raw five weeks before Wrestlemania. I wonder if there's going to be non-finish.
The crowd starts off with duelling chants of "Sasha" and "Becky" but then completely fails to react to an exchange of finisher attempts, loses interest in the match and starts randomly Wooing for Charlotte and Ric who are ringside. It's a decent enough match until the inevitable double pinfall off a sunset powerbomb, how Sasha managed to pin herself off flipping from the second rope to the mat I don't know but the match is declared a draw.
The show is interrupted by Bray Wyatt who, as ever, is cryptic to the point where it's not even worth trying to find meaning in what he's saying so it just comes off as boring.
Segment #3 - Dolph Ziggler Vs The Miz
I feel bad about it but I laughed out loud when the Raw came back and Michael Cole announced this match, these poor guys can't catch a break. Dolph does what he does best and loses in under 2 minutes on Raw, putting Miz up at 1284-1137 in their endless rivalry. Apparently Miz said something about being Intercontinental Champion on the preshow so it's looking like they're going to do another ladder match with a bunch of guys again.
They play a packaged recapping the Shane McMahon angle, still doesn't make any more sense than it did a week ago.
Segment #4 - Stephanie McMahon Promo
Stephanie comes out to finish her acceptance speech from last week, she get annoyed at the crowd chanting for Shane and goes off on a long tangent about how he abandoned the WWE. The problem with this segment is this storyline is so thrown together and pulled out of nowhere all of Stephanie's points about him leaving and being a man coming back to take the company from her are all seemingly legitimate with no obvious counterargument. Still, Stephanie is a good heel and she got over the point that Shane winning would be the worst thing for her.
Segment #5 - The Lucha Dragons Vs Sheamus and Rusev
Michael Cole plugs tickets for Smackdown in Altanta tomorrow night which isn't sold out yet, claiming "the League of Nations will be there!" so move fast because more and more tickets are becoming available!
It's a basic match with Rusev pinning Kalisto after some outside interference. After the match Del Rio double stomps Kalisto to get some heat for his match against Ambrose later.
Backstage Renee Young and Natalya plug a sandwich.
Segment #6 - Ryback Vs Adam Rose
You know Ryback's a heel because he didn't growl MOOOOORRRRRRREEEEE along with his music when he came out. He also seems to have dropped the idiosyncrasies in his promo and talks slowly like everyone else now. Ryback punches the fudge out of Rose, the ref tries to get him off, but since it's WWE he can't call for the bell until someone hits a finisher so Ryback hits Shellshock, gets the pin and immediately leaves.
This seems like a good time to mention this show has been painfully shoving in references to the Oscars all night. Nothing makes you look more out of touch than desperately trying to be relevant, it's like your dad bragging about how he just "drank some mee-mees."
Segment #7 - New Day Vs Chris Jericho and AJ Styles
As is now apparently mandatory for all New Day matches they cut a promo before the match, pop the crowd with it then the babyfaces interrupt before they're done and get booed for it.
It's a fun match filled with New Day antics and AJ spots, I hope Kofi and AJ have a one on one match in the coming weeks because they worked great together. Y2AJ get the win off the Walls of Jericho, then challenge New Day to a tag team title match next week.
Segment #8 - The Undertaker and Vince McMahon promo
One of the issues with the build for Wrestlemania and especially this feud is it's all so random and tryhardy I'm not so much intrigued as I am morbidly curious. So here we have this completely confusing storyline that the Undertaker has been dropped into, and now he has to make his first appearance in months to somehow address this in a way that makes sense.
WWE made two good calls here by 1) putting Vince out there with Taker and 2) not dwelling on the ridiculously clumsy way they got into this and instead focusing on the stipulations as they are. Hey, it's not "good" storytelling but at least it allows them to run full speed with what they have. It's short and sweet, Undertaker spends more time walking to the ring than he does talking, he grabs Vince by the throat and tells him his son's blood will be on his hands.
Vince starts off this promo saying he loves his son and loves him enough to teach him a lesson, then at the end says he'll write Shane out of his inheritance and disown him after Wrestlemania if he loses. Not sure where that part came from, but it's definitely looking like Shane is winning at Wrestlemania, I'm just terrified about how they're going to get there.
Segment #9 - Jey Uso Vs Bubba Ray Dudley
You know you're in for a meaningful segment when an Uso twin is in a singles match. When you have two tag teams feuding and it's not about titles or anything, and they have no match scheduled there's really no reason in storyline why they can't have a tag match, so these singles matches just come off as filler. D-Von and Jimmy had a match on Smackdown with almost the exact same finish as this one with the other Dudley pulling out a table as a distraction for the win, only Jey didn't screw this up as hard.
Backstage R-Truth is a meaniehead to Goldust so he sulks away.
Segment #10 - Big Show Vs Kevin Owens
I believe this is the fourth segment that was on last week's Smackdown that they're repeating? There is literally no point of Smackdown other than to watch a prototype of the next Raw with all the big segments stripped and better commentary. Big Show wins via countout the exact same way Kevin Owens won on Smackdown by nutting him on the top rope. For some reason Show is happy about this when you'd think he'd want to kill Owens but whatever.
Brie Bella is interviewed backstage, lies and says she had a great match with Charlotte, Lana comes over and makes fun of Daniel Bryan to set up a MONEY MATCH between Brie and Lana, Brie makes the 114th crap Oscars joke of the night and walks away.
Segment #11 - Brie Bella Vs Naomi
I don't wanna, you can't make me.
The Freebirds are announced for the Hall of Fame, they don't get a video package either, I guess they can't be bothered any more.
Backstage Charlotte tells Becky and Sasha they're having a rematch on Smackdown, GASP, now Raw segments are getting repeated on Smackdown! If we're no careful the entire company will be one endless loop of the exact same show.
Segment #12 - Dean Ambrose Vs Alberto Del Rio
The League of Nations should be eternally grateful that the show's complete lack of any top heels right now lets them main event a show almost every week. At least after two months of being together they've decided to pretend they're a real group and have a team trademark...which is whirling their fingers the same way Cesaro does before he goes for the giant swing...
Also, I don't want to knock these guys as individuals because this isn't their fault, but for the love of god Del Rio needs to drop this double stomp finisher. The fact he's starting doing an even sillier version of it on the guard rail and taking even longer to pander to the crowd makes me feel like he's deliberately making fun of me.
Anyway, the story of the match is Dean is still badly hurt from his Brock beatdown last week so Del Rio stays in control most of the time with Ambrose refusing to stay down. Ambrose hits all four of the League members with a diving elbow on the floor, Triple H's music hits to distract Ambrose and the League members beat him down causing a DQ.
Triple H gets in the face of a destroyed Ambrose and starts cutting a promo in his face, Dean fires up and slugs him in the face which popped the crowd and was so awesome I'll forgive the fact it's almost identical to a Daniel Bryan segment from two years ago. HHH puts him down with a Pedigree and says he's got a WWE title match.
As Triple H is walking up the ramp Ambrose taunts him again causing him to lose it and come back down and beat him down on the announce table. It's slightly irritating how much better these segments work when it's Dean Ambrose instead of Roman Reigns, for one Triple H didn't get cheered this week, even though he threw Byron Saxton across the floor like a huge hero. Great end to an otherwise subpar show.
Closing Thoughts
This was the first Raw I've watched live with commercial breaks in a while and it was a slog to get through. I didn't hate much of it but looking back over the entire show it was pretty much a waste of time apart from the Ambrose segment at the time. So, look that on Youtube if you missed it, maybe the New Day/Taker bits if you're a huge fan of those guys, otherwise this was pretty much forgettable filler.
WWE weren't clear on when the Ambrose Vs Triple H title match is taking place, I can only assume it's next week? Raw's in Chicago and I imagine the place would go nuts for Ambrose and destroy Roman so it seems like a good plan. As much as I didn't really like this show, it ended strong which is really important since the last thing you see is what you remember and I'm looking forward to next week so...eh...I'll be charitable.
THUMBS IN THE MIDDLE, POINTING SLIGHTLY DOWNWARDS, AROUND 4:15PM
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