So I'm going to watch Survivor Series 1999, I've never seen any of it before but I know two things about this show:
1) This is the show were Steve Austin got run over by a car.
2) Other than that no-one ever talks about this show.
That's not a great sign! Of all the "good" years of the WWF days 1999 is pretty notorious for having Pay-Per-Views that don't hold up under scrutiny, largely due to Vince "wins and losses mean nothing" Russo being top dog on the writing team. Sure, there's great matches here and there, such as the I Quit Match between The Rock and Mankind from the Royal Rumble. However the actual Rumble match itself on that show is a hilariously unwatchable collection of nonsense including Vince McMahon winning it and Kane getting chased out of the ring by orderlies. And you guys thought this year's Rumble was bad!
The WWF roster in 1999 was bursting with wrestling talent, but during this era wrestling was anything but the focus and so a lot of that doesn't shine through or hold up on revisiting it today with retrospective eyes.
Oh well, Survivor Series was a solid month after Russo suddenly quit WWF, let's see if the other Vince was able to hold things together!
*ACTUALLY STARTING THE PAY-PER-VIEW NOW*
I'm not sure what the timeline was for the WWF finding out that Steve Austin was injured and had to be written off television, but they damn sure knew before this show happened and it's pretty amazing that they announced Steve Austin Vs The Rock Vs Triple H for the WWF Championship and it not actually happening. Even if you didn't know about the car angle the WWE Network spoils it by listing the main event as "Triple H Vs The Rock Vs Big Show".
Match 1 - Survivor Series Elimination Match - The Godfather, D-Lo Brown and the Headbangers Vs The Dudley Boyz and the Acolytes
I can't stress enough how sad it makes me to hear JR say "those are some restaurant quality hoes", what does that even mean? All of Godfather's team comes out dressed pimps. Also weird to see the Dudleys (who I guess must have just debuted) get zero reaction, and Bubba's doing his speech impediment thing. Five minutes into this PPV we've had four guys dressed as pimps, a "hoe" chant, a guy pretending to have a speech impediment and the other guy mocking him for his fake speech impediment. THE GREATEST ERA IN WRESTLING HISTORY.
The Headbangers get eliminated fairly fast, the crowd is completely dead until D-Lo gets in and gets a small chant. For *some reason* Bradshaw hits both D-Lo and Bubba with a chair and gets DQed, then D-Von Dudley and Faarooq start fighting each other and eliminate each other. Even though this match seemingly has no story to it and now Bubba is left in a 2 on 1 situation, it just sort of...keeps going for a few minutes until D-Lo wins off a frog splash.
It's hard to judge this sort of thing 15 years later, maybe all these guys were super over and this just isn't a great crowd, but the entire thing felt cold and was a pretty weak opener.
Match 2 - Kurt Angle Vs Shawn Stasiak
Kurt Angle debuted on this PPV?!
Shawn Stasiak was in the WWF in 1999?!
Shawn Stasiak was Kurt Angle's first opponent?!
Stasiak and Angle actually do some wrestling moves, prompting JR to say "this is a different style of action than we're used to in the WWF!" yea you can say that again. The crowd is bored to tears by this, so Angle runs outside the ring and tells the crowd on the mic not to boo him. It worked out for him but looking back it really is a reflection on the era that someone was able to get over as a heel by actually wanting to have wrestling matches.
This crowd doesn't really care either way though, and the match is vanilla dull. Angle wins with what would be later termed the "Olympic Slam" which is a lot catchier than JRs off the cuff "modified slam".
Match 3 - Survivor Series Elimination Match - Val Venis, Mark Henry, Steve Blackman and Gangrel Vs The British Bulldog and The Mean Street Posse
During the entrances the announcers talk about how Team Venis "really loves the ladies". You've got a pornstar, a guy called "Sexual Chocolate", a vampire who would later on become a real pornstar and Steve "Steve Blackman" Blackman.
Watching Road Dogg having to pretend to be outwrestled by Chyna at the King of the Ring 1999 was pretty rough, but it's got nothing on watching Pete Gas beating up Val Venis. The Mean Street Posse was the absolute worst, I have no idea what the deal was with these guys being in the WWF in the first place, I think they were genuine real life friends with Shane McMahon or something?
What's the deal with these Survivor Series matches so far anyway? Were they booked earlier the same day or something? The announcers don't discuss any storyline or relationships whatsoever during these, I have no idea why the Posse are with Bulldog, or why this is a match at all, or what the suspicious damp stain on Bulldog's arse is.
Bulldog fights back from a 4 on 1 situation to nearly take the thing, and the crowd once again couldn't give two spoonfuls of shit about anything that's happening.
Match 4 - Mae Young , Fabulous Moolah, Tori and Debra Vs Jacqueline, Luna, Terri and Ivory
Now Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler claims he doesn't know what Tori sees in "the big red retard" Kane, then the production crew cuts to a shot of his eyes bursting out of his skull as Debra comes out to the ring. Seriously, Debra's boobs have got the pop of the night so far, people talk about how great and popular wrestling was during the Attitude Era, but its got the same dudebro appeal of Megan Fox washing a Dodge Challenger with a Gears of War manual. At least nowadays you occasionally see some women in the crowd.
I spent too much time writing that joke to watch the match and I don't know who won.
Match 5 - X-Pac Vs Kane
The crowd actually reacts for both guys so before it even starts it's already the best match of the night so far.
It's a decent match...and as this is the Attitude Era that means it doesn't last long, Triple H runs in and hits Kane with the WWF title as he was going for the Tombstone Piledriver. Kind of bizarre to watch the champion do a run-in during a midcard match an hour before he's going to appear in the main event.
X-Pac accidentally (?) hits Kane's girlfriend Tori with a spinkick, and I'm SURE when Tori turned heel on Kane and joined X-Pac soon after this it totally made sense.
Triple H is having a busy night as immediately after this he interrupts The Rock 2 seconds into a backstage interview and there's a scuffle broken up by the referees.
Match 6 - Survivor Series Elimination Match - Mideon, Prince Albert, Big Boss Man and Viscera Vs Big Show
Well at least I know what the basic story behind this match is. Big Boss Man and Big Show feuding over Show's dead father is one of the silliest and most endearing hilariously awful angles in WWF history. Seriously, go look up Boss Man interrupting the funeral if you've never seen it before.
Show was given some jobber partners but they were taken out during Sunday Night Heat (remember that lol) and he goes it alone. Show immediately destroys Mideon, Albert and Viscera and then Boss Man runs away and gets counted out. I do remember the announcers used to talk up how Big Show was the only guy to eliminate and entire Survivor Series team by himself, and it's a complete non-match that's over in under two minutes.
Austin is about to be interviewed and Triple H comes and attacks him, then the infamous hit n' run occurs. The car isn't going that fast but Austin takes a real bump off it which was probably really risky with neck surgery on the horizon. I'll be a massive jerk and point out it makes no sense that Austin was still in jeans and a t-shirt despite the fact he was supposed to be wrestling about 45 minutes after this.
Also this might be a completely unfair thing to bring up, but this was only a few months after...Owen. They even do the same shot of holding on the announce team for the "news". Ahhhhhh...I'm going to leave this alone. At least you get a funny shot of JR running from the ramp back to the announce team before Jericho's pyro goes off.
Match 7 - Intercontinental Championship - Chris Jericho Vs Chyna
I think it's really cool that there was a female Intercontinental Champion briefly, I just wish it had been...someone who wasn't Chyna. Ahhh she wasn't that bad, her offence looks Ironwood stiff compared to say, Trish Stratus, but most of her matches versus men aren't great to watch because it's obvious the guys are terrified to hurt her. The match itself is an awkward collection of a crowd and announce table reeling from the Austin angle before, Jericho trying to get heat by doing violent spots on the outside of the ring and also beating up "Miss Kitty" (later the Kat) who doesn't even sell it. Also the crowd turns on Chyna and starts actively cheering for Jericho to smack her around.
As the match seemingly goes on forever (has to be the longest so far), Jericho hits Chyna with the Intercontinental title belt and she kicks out (which is BULLSHIT), Chyna then hits the Pedigree which Jericho kicks out of, then Chyna manages to get to the rope in the Walls of Jericho (which is DOUBLE bullshit). After a low blow from Miss Kitty, Chyna hits the worst ever Pedigree from the top rope for the win, which I would insist on calling the Pepsi Plunge if I was a dickhead but I won't therefore I'm not.
Highlight of the match; there's seven dudes in the crowd holding up a letter each of a "Jericho" sign and the guy with the "E" has it the wrong way up.
Backstage Triple H walks into the McMahon locker room (?) to ask about the main event. It's weird to see Vince and Shane freaking out because something happened to Steve Austin.
Match 8 - Survivor Series Elimination Match - Too Cool and The Hollys Vs Edge & Christian and The Hardy Boyz
These Survivor Series matches are the WORST, why are The Hardys, Edge and Christian on the same team? Were they forced to unite against the insurmountable alliance of Too Cool, Hardcore and Crash Holly who threatened the WWFs very existence? WAIT, why are Too Cool and the Hollys on the same team?! JR is still reeling from the Austin hit n' run, and I'm reeling from the fact I'm internally still laughing at that time Grand Master Sexay showed up on Raw in 2011 to promote the Lawler Vs Cole Wrestlemania match and no-one knew who he was.
The way the announcers are talking about this match it feels like this match was just an excuse to get all these guys on the show. You know there's no tension or intrigue in a match when there's three future world champions on one team and I'm checking my PlayStation Plus games have finished downloading yet. Some team confusion leads to Matt Hardy and Edge getting each other eliminated. I can't get over the zero reaction eliminations get in these matches, it almost like the audience having no investment in who wins and loses hurts the product Vinny-Ru. (Just kidding I know you didn't write on this show, but this is what your wrestling philosophy causes).
As Grand Master does his goofy laugh on the apron over and over again, JR asks Lawler whether he laughed like that as a baby. Lawler responds with "how should I know?!" Obviously this is a continuation of the running joke of Lawler not acknowledging on television Sexay as his real life son, but I get the feeling he genuinely doesn't know.
Anyway, Hardcore Holly wins and is the sole survivor because reasons. I don't know if this match was to set up storylines for later, or who was supposed to get over, or whether it was supposed to be entertaining exhibition match in itself...either way it was completely cold and a supreme waste of the talent involved.
Match 9 - WWF Tag Team Championship - The New Tag Outlaws Vs Mankind and Al Snow
I've joked on Twitter about how the modern day announcers say "Billy Gunn hasn't aged a day!" when it looks like he's aged 60 years. Watching this show from 1999...I think he must have been born looking 45.
This is when Mick Foley's health was starting to catch up with him and he was being winded down with larger focus on comedy, the match itself is a little slow and nothing special. New Age Outlaws retain their tag titles after a spike piledriver on Foley, who can't seem to stop himself taking dangerous moves in the ring.
The announcers are still distracted by the Austin hit n' run, when they actually talk about the match it's mostly to plug Foley's book and the fact Al Snow's Head merchandise was pulled by Walmart.
Match 10 - WWF Championship - Triple H Vs The Rock Vs Big Show
Nice to know even when it's a half asleep garbage crowd like this '99 era Rocky still brings everyone to their feet. The show segues directly from the announcers arguing about Austin to The Rock's entrance, I understand why this match doesn't have a promo package or anything but that's something to note about this entire PPV, it bounces from match to match with little connection or hype. Other than recapping Boss Man making fun of Big Show's dead dad I don't think they replayed or showed packages of anything else. No wonder they gave that match the WWF Championship for the next Pay-Per-View, apparently it was the only storyline in the entire company at this time.
The match itself isn't bad or anything, but Big Show being a late substitute means the match has no storyline sauce to it, thus it feels like a WWF main event on autopilot. They throw each other around in the ring for a bit, then People's Elbow, then they fight by the stage and in the crowd for a few minutes, then there's an announce table spot, then a ref bump...yadda yadda, everything you've seen a thousand times before but with less context. Anyway someone realised this PPV is seriously behind on its run-in quota, and we can't have that in 1999! All of DX run in to little consequence, then Vince McMahon comes out and hits Triple H with the belt and counts the pinfall for the Big Show.
I guess to make up for the fact they advertised a huge match that would never happen they did a title change to appease the crowd. This particular crowd though was firmly behind The Rock and the reaction was lukewarm. Big Show's title reign wouldn't last long or really mean anything long term, but this whole show stinks of a company with zero creative direction so it's an appropriate end.
WRAP UP THOUGHTS
The last Attitude Era Pay-Per-View I watched before this one was King of the Ring 1999, an overbooked mess of short matches and convoluted finishes, this was a weird contrast to that. Instead of overcomplicated and silly intertwining storylines you got a show that felt so cold and inconsequential it felt like the card was randomly generated by the Create-a-PPV mode in WWF Smackdown! 2. You can tell from watching this show the Austin injury and sudden shake ups in creative were hurting the company.
I hate how wasted the Survivor Series concept is in modern WWF, I understand times have changed and you can't recreate that "Hogan Vs Andre" moment, but you sure can do a "Ziggler Vs Rollins" moment! A lot of Survivor Series matches in modern times feel like creative is just filling slots, because it's "Survivor Series" so we have to do big tag matches, rather than using it as an opportunity to have epic confrontations or build storylines or get a shine on fresh talent by letting them hang with the big boys. At least in more recent WWE Survivor Series they put some big names in the match and sort of have a storyline between the two captains, they don't do what this show did and pair up random teams against other random teams for no reason.
That's Survivor Series 1999, there's a reason no-one talks about this show outside of the Austin hit n' run; it's because there's nothing else to talk about. Even Kurt Angle's first match, Chris Jericho beating up two women and Big Show's first WWF title win fail to make an impression in front of a crowd this dead and a cold that feels this cold and heartless. It's BORING, not the worst show from 1999 by any means but probably one of the hardest to sit through.
Survivor Series 1999 gets 1 AND A HALF PUPPIES OUT OF 5
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