Welcome to the probably more delirious than usual Raw recap for the week because I've been awake all night editing Uncharted footage.
LET'S GO!
Segment #1 - Shane McMahon promo
Oh my god, Shane McMahon is in charge again this week because of "overwhelming social media support."
Can you believe Wrestlemania 32 was only a week ago? It may as well have been a decade ago for all the difference it made. The three big feuds from the show have all stopped with no rematches planned for the next Pay-Per-View, which I think is a first since 2003 where Kurt Angle was ruined and Steve Austin retired. Let's recap this shall we:
- Zack Ryder gets a surprise win in the Intercontinental title ladder match, loses it the next night
- Jericho gets a win over AJ Styles, AJ becomes the No 1 Contender the next night anyway
- Charlotte beats Becky Lynch in a triple threat match while Ric Flair holds Sasha back...for some reason Charlotte's next challenger is Natalya.
- Dean Ambrose loses to Brock Lesnar and looks like a complete chump, we probably won't see Brock again until the Summer.
- Shane McMahon loses to the Undertaker, gets control of Raw the next night anyway.
- Roman Reigns beats Triple H, Triple H disappears and Roman seems to be playing a completely different role the next night.
I hated Wrestlemania 32 but it's nice to see the company actually agrees with me, you get the feeling if they had the capacity to be more honest they'd release a press release saying "look we're sorry, we wrote ourselves into a corner with the Reigns thing and all our other plans got screwed up by injuries, we couldn't just NOT do Wrestlemania y'know?"
Anyway charisma vacuum comes down to the ring and announces a tag team tournament starting tonight, Charlotte Vs Natalya for the Women's Championship and Sami Zayn Vs AJ styles where Zayn gets added to the WWE Championship match at Payback if he wins.
Kevin Owens comes out and complains about the opportunities Zayn is getting, then suddenly decides he cares about the Intercontinental Championship again and demands Shane for his rematch. Shane says Owens needs to earn it (???) and he'll get a title shot if he can beat Cesaro.
Segment #2 - Kevin Owens Vs Cesaro
The apparently "lacking in charisma" Cesaro gets a standing ovation for showing off during a standing headlock. Kevin Owens is in top form tonight, throwing temper tantrums at referee, the commentators and the crowd, all while concentrating on Cesaro's recently repaired shoulder. After a great match Cesaro counters a Pop Up Powerbomb attempt into a Neutralizer for the win, Cesaro looks as confused and surprised as anyone else that he had a great match on Raw and actually won it.
Miz and Maryse are watching on backstage, Cesaro is now the No 1 Contender, not sure when that match is actually happening but it looks like Zack Ryder is completely out of the picture.
Charlotte is complaining backstage to her dad that she has to defend her Women's title tonight. Tonight's guest Dr. Phil comes over (I barely know who that is) and tells Charlotte to stop cheating in all her matches. Well done for not doing an unbearable comedy segment with the celebrity guest for once I guess, this guy didn't come off as natural or understanding what he was talking about at all.
Kevin Owens is seen ranting at Shane McMahon, he says whatever happens to Sami Zayn tonight is on him. Shane says he's not going to be threatened and tells Kevin Owens to get dressed and be escorted from the building.
Segment #3 - Lucha Dragons Vs The Dudley Boyz
New Day come out and introduce the tag team tournament (sponsored by Booty O cereal, even the tournament bracket graphics).
The show goes to commercial during the entrances and comes back in with the doctors looking over Kalisto on the outside of the ring who took a nasty bump over the top rope and appears to have hurt his collar bone or something. Bubba does what Bubba does best and tries to keep people invested in the match by shouting a lot.
There's an awkward finish where the Dudleys seem to briefly forget their own finisher, set it up again to hit it and then forget which one of them is legal. Kalisto never got back into the match, I'm sure the Dudleys were booked to win anyway but that's still unfortunate.
After the match Enzo and Cass hit the ramp and cut another promo on the Dudleys. If Enzo and Cass win their tournament match they face the Dudleys in the next round.
Segment #4 - Roman Reigns promo
Actual Michael Cole Dialogue - "Roman Reigns defeated Triple H in a match at Wrestlemania that was...all over the place."
Look dubyadubs I understand you're not happy with the crowd reactions this guy gets, but if he's getting booed just let him getting booed. It's better to have your champion go out and be passionately booed than muting the audio so it looks like noone cares. Reigns hits the ring and does that "I'm a good guy, I'm not a bad guy I'M THE GUY" line again for the third show in a row THAT'S NOT A CATCHPHRASE that's a line that's okay to say once. It's the kind of dribble wrestlers say in real interviews when they're trying to dodge questions about unusual crowd reactions.
Mercifully Roman gets his promo cut short again...to be interrupted by the League of Nations...christ. Please get rid of this group so Rusev can be set free. At least they keep it short too, Roman calls them all down to the ring for a fight, as soon as they get in the Wyatts show up and fight off the League.
Actual Michael Cole Dialogue - "THE WYATTS HAVE HAD THEIR ISSUES WITH THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS" Issues? They attacked them last week for apparently no reason.
Roman and the Wyatts stand in the ring together, Shane McMahon comes out and announces two League members Vs Roman and Bray in the main event. So, now that Dean Ambrose's stock has dropped they're going to try and make the Wyatts popularity rub off on Reigns instead? WE'LL SEE.
Segment #5 - WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP - Charlotte Vs Natalya
Dr Phil is at ringside for this, still barely know who he is.
Everyone knows Natalya is great but she gets to wrestle on television so infrequently it's still weirdly surprising whenever you see her, Charlotte is still getting better, she's looked infinitely better the past couple of months than she did during the Bella matches. There's not a lot to this story but these gals managed to get this otherwise not particularly loud crowd into the match at the end.
Natalya has Charlotte beat in the sharpshooter, Naitch pulls the referee out of the ring who calls for the bell as Charlotte is tapping...to call for the disqualification. Look, I get why they do these finishes, it gets a rise out of the live crowd every time, but it looks so silly on television, you'd think the referees would be smart enough not to fall this obvious cheat...especially when someone is tapping out within his eyeline.
Michael Cole confirms Kevin Owens is out of the building as they recap him powerbombing Zayn through a table last week.
Sami Zayn is interviewed about his match with AJ Styles tonight, he says he didn't come this far to lose. AJ Styles says he's the only No 1 Contender and he plans on keeping it that way.
Segment #6 - The Usos Vs Curtis Axel and Heath Slater
This is a first round match in the Booty-O tournament, Social Outcasts get a little bit of offence in but the Usos get a quick win off a roll up.
Then Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson come out of nowhere looking like two bald guys in plain t-shirt, and leave looking like total badasses. They beat up the Usos with "Bullet Club" chants popping off in the Staples Center.
"Nice place you got here" - Karl Anderson.
Michael Cole actually mentions New Japan by name and brings up their three IWGP tag team championship wins.
Miz and Maryse are interviewed in their private lounge about the upcoming title match with Cesaro,. Miz is so so good in this role. Cesaro comes in and spouts some cheesy puns about acting that some chump wrote for him. Their match is at Payback.
Segment #7 - NO 1 CONTENDERSHIP - AJ Styles Vs Sami Zayn
It should be illegal for any of Sami Zayn's entrance to be cut from television. Michael Cole mentions that Payback is in Chicago OH GOD I'm so sorry Roman Reigns, have fun wrestling AJ Styles there.
This is the first match these two have had, normally I don't like them giving away these matches on Raw with no build but this is a great matchup between two guys who are highly unlikely to have a feud any time soon so fair enough. Shame it's not the main event though.
These guys are so smooth, even when it looks like things go wrong they make it look like they meant to do it. There's one awkward spot near the finish when Sami was supposed to land on his feet getting thrown off the top rope but it looked like he landed on his head, but the crowd was into it enough where they got away with it. AJ Styles gets a win off his flying forearm which they seem to be selling as a finisher since there's no way he's hitting the Clash on Reigns.
The match was a bit on the "exchange of big moves" side of things but it was a great match for television.
Sami and AJ are talking about their match after the commercial, Shane McMahon comes over and thanks them for their performance.
Segment #8 - Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel
Jericho says this Highlight Reel will have his biggest guest ever...himself. He goes on about how great he is until he hits his line about no one in the WWE being able to touch him which is Ambrose's cue to hit the ring. I feel like I should clarify my stance on Ambrose since I realise I'm starting to sound like one of those insufferable twats on the internet who complain about someone being "buried" because they didn't win every match.
Dean Ambrose is pushed as a "lunatic" who is unpredictable and indestructible. In his last two main event matches Triple H beat him clean by predicting him and Brock Lesnar beat him clean by destroying him with one F-5...where Ambrose didn't even use the two weapons they advertised for the match. Nothing establishes you harder as "midcard slub" harder than failing to live up to your own moniker, I learned that from Professor Dolph Ziggler.
Ambrose says the Highlight Reel is now the Ambrose Asylum and jokes around with cardboard signs, speeding tickets and ties and so on. Jericho tries to bully him out of the ring and eats some Dirty Deeds for his efforts.
There was a backstage segment with Dr Phil with Truth and Goldust but I skipped ahead as soon as they came on screen.
Segment #9 - Apollo Crews Vs Adam Rose
Well on a night of strong competitive matches we've got to get in a few squashes, Social Outcasts are actually doing a good job in their role of the roster's punching bag. Adam Rose controls a lot of the match, then Apollo hits all his fancy moves for the win.
The announce team put over Apollo Crews, then they show a video package for Baron Corbin. Nice!
Bray Wyatt cuts one of his typical cryptic promos before the main event...adding "don't wory Roman, you can trust me!" Hey! A Bray promo that had a comprehensible point!
Segment #10 - Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus Vs Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns
Really? You put the League in another Raw main event and Rusev isn't even one of the guys in the ring?
Bray tags in Roman early in the match, there's a visible small portion of the audience cheering for Roman which causes the rest of the arena to erupt into boos. The match is as basic as Raw tags get, Roman gets beaten down and Bray gets the hot tag and it all turns into chaos at the end. It is interesting to see Bray work as a face, although WWE already have a major problem with a lack of heels, but then again it's not like the Wyatts have ever really been heels.
Rusev almost causes Bray to lose the match, Bray survive the interference and the remaining Wyatt members hit the ring to take out Rusev. Bray hits Sister Abigail on Del Rio as Roman spears Sheamus for the win. They stare at each other after the match as the show goes off the air.
The crowd was into Bray, but even when both guys were fighting together they would jeer at anything Roman did so he came out of this looking bad anyway.
Closing Thoughts
Not the best main event for this show, WWE were banking on the fact Bray and Roman teaming up would make an otherwise run of the mill tag match interesting and...it really didn't.
The rest of the show was good though, not only were there 3 strong matches but they all had points to them in terms of championships. Normally when you get a good match on Raw it's something like Cesaro having a 20 minute match with Cena for no reason that never gets brought up again.
Frankly, looking back over the show the only stuff that wasn't good all involved Reigns! Moving forward WWE seem to have Wrestlemania firmly in the rear view mirror and are moving ahead which is definitely for the best. You get the feeling WWE right now are moving around their pieces for something bigger later, but as long as the shows are still decent now then more power to them.
RATING: THUMBS UP
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