Captain Toad Treasure Tracker Review

In an increasingly unsubstantiable industry obsessed with excess and pandering it's quite nice to have a Captain Toad Treasure Tracker come out. It really is the kind of thing the larger companies should be doing more of; trying out something experimental as an extra in a high tier release that's guaranteed to do well anyway, and if people like it expand on it later in another release that's relatively cheap to develop and gives fans what they want. Honestly I'd be interested in seeing Nintendo do more of this sort of thing, maybe throwing in some weird little concepts into Mario Party or WarioWare games to see what people get into. Anyway, regardless of your opinion of Captain Toad's Treasure Tracker as a game, it's a really positive development that it exists and people seem to be into it.

Personally I wasn't really into the Captain Toad levels that were featured in Super Mario 3D World. I thought they clashed with the hard action of the rest of the game, and I got no sense of puzzles or exploring but rather "find the one straight path to the goal and walk across it". However Treasure Tracker expands on the core concept in the best way possible by pushing the focus on exploring the levels as opposed to "solving" them. The game takes cues from Super Mario 3D Land by making the collectible rewards for exploring and puzzle solving as opposed to using as a rope to drag the player from point A to B. When Treasure Tracker is actually about tracking treasure and doing this kind of thing it's pretty great. 

Although it frustrates at times the central idea of having a 3D stage seen through a completely free to move (most of the time) camera really enhances Treasure Tracker. It allows the game to do a lot of clever tricks with perspective, and lets the player see what need to do and where they need to go before they can do it. It's pretty strong brain oil, it gets you thinking in 3D space (which again gives the stages more of a feel of a "structure" and not a straight line) and makes you sometimes have to think backward from your goal, and other times demands understanding of your surroundings to work forward into getting there. 

But again, that's when Treasure Tracker actually is about tracking treasure. Sometimes it's a rail shooter, sometimes it's a boss fight based around greenlight-redlight start n' stop, sometimes it's a turret sections, sometimes it's just kind of gimmicky and frustrating. And bizarrely, it is a game about getting your girlfriend back. 

I always liked the idea that the Toads were androgynous; maybe they were just magical weird fungus creatures that were grown in the fields outside Peach's castle to serve her, but Nintendo piddled all over that idea by establishing a girl Toad complete with a pink head and shroomy pigtails. Of course she gets captured and the plot ("PLOT"!) is to go rescue her from a giant teleporting crow with a turban. She is playable in the game too after getting saved in the first chapter, but she never gets to defeat Turbancrow and gets captured again immediately before the final boss so the status quo is restored. The second chapter does feature her on a journey to rescue the Captain, but reversing gender roles is also kind of a trope these days, and besides I'm not sure you get points for it when you've forced the initial gender roles in there for literally no reason. It's gosh darn Captain Toad Treasure Tracker, the story (assuming it should have one at all) should be the Toads racing to some treasure before some villains in some DuckTalesesque shenanigans. It's not a dealbreaker or anything, but I can't think of an example where the "dude saves the day and wins girl as prize" trope has been less justified. 

I guess the reason why it bothers me so much with this game is I can't help but wonder why this game bothered with that nonsense at all. Either it's pure laziness and just sticking to what works, or perhaps it reveals a little lack of faith in the project from Nintendo, they just felt they HAD to make it as Mario as possible or people wouldn't like it. A lot of Mario stuff is in here; superfluous lives system, repeated boss battles, the story, stars, mushrooms and levels taken directly from Super Mario 3D World with half the stuff cut out of them because the levels obviously aren't designed for Captain Toad and he can't do a dang thing in them but walk to the exit. Running and picking up items also works the same as Mario by mapping them to the same button, but this a stupid idea in Treasure Tracker because throwing stuff it the only way Toad can defend himself in this game, and I can't tell you how many times I would instinctively hit the run button only to fling my turnip off the stage and lose it forever. I guess it would be weird if the game didn't resemble Mario at all, but Nintendo have been talking about Captain Toad as if it were a brand new IP, in which case they shouldn't feel so shackled to the core principles of another game. 

(For the record, Mario games could do with a bit of tidying up themselves, which is another reason I bring these things up)

Speaking of having a lack of faith; Treasure Tracker has now removed all my faith in the Wii U gamepad forever. I still think it's a great idea to have a screen in the controller, the fact that it's now possible to play AAA home console games in the palm of my hand if I feel like it is something that excites me, but as a controller the gamepad has only ever frustrated me. First things first, DON'T make me blow on my controller, especially one with a screen on it, and ESPECIALLY especially not in situations where I have to react and do it quickly because that often leads to huge chunks of gob on my expensive gamepad. Secondly, it is extremely flow breaking (even if I get used to it later and can do it quicker) to make me look down into my lap to touch something on the screen. Thirdly, when you have levels that are based entirely around touching the gamepad screen, I'm just going to look at the gamepad screen the entire time because it's far easier, and when you've put so much effort into making the game 1080p it seems silly for you to waste my 50 inch plasma. 

Wii U gamepad nonsense does come into play regularly in Treasure Tracker and after a while it really starts to grate. There's no reason a cannon couldn't be controlled entirely by the right analog stick rather than jerking the controller around. There's no reason why a moving platform couldn't be controlled by a switch...or been mapped to one of the many buttons the game doesn't use at all...rather than be controlled by your own phlegm. I think another part of why this got really irritating is by the end of the game I couldn't help but wonder that the Wii U wasn't the best console for Treasure Tracker in the first place. It's definitely far better suited to smaller play sessions and gets tedious if you sit with it for too long, in terms of its appeal it probably would have been better suited to a handheld all things considered. 

Captain Toad's Treasure Tracker is charming, inventive and really quite smart in a lot of ways, but there is an undercurrent of annoyance buried beneath the Captain's pudgy body that'll start to give you twitches if you ride with him for too long.  If you liked the Toad levels in Super Mario 3D World then you'll probably have a great time with this (and probably already have it anyway so who cares), but if you don't find yourself particularly enamored with the concept the game's occasional pitfalls might ruin your day. I LIKE IT, believe me if I didn't I wouldn't have missed an opportunity to call it "Captain Chode", but I'm definitely going to need a breather from treasure tracking for a little while before I go back for those missing gems.  

The Videogames I Played in 2014!

Okay here's the deal, at time of writing this self-referential opening there is one hour left of 2014. I decided on NOT doing a Game of the Year piece on 2014 because for a magnitude of reasons but I've changed my mind and I'M ALLOWED TO DO THAT. But I've got an hour to get this written and posted; so it's going to be fast and barely structured and not proofread so strap in.

A brief commentary on every game I played in 2014 (that actually was released in 2014) starts NOW:

Shovel Knight

It's really nice to see something wallowing in nostalgia that actually introduces some common sense to the formula, none of that Mega Man 9 "turn on the sprite filter because god knows we all loved that" garbage. It's a solidly designed platformer with a stellar soundtrack from Jake Kaufman, but what really cemented my approval of it was the fantastic almost competitive-feeling boss battles. With some tweaks Shovel Knight could probably work in a multiplayer deathmatch arena mode, which really is the biggest compliment you can give any action game.

Probably the game I enjoyed the most this year out of the given options, hesitate to call it my Game of the Year because it represents and indeed panders to a lot of what I hate about the industry right now, but it's pretty damn good.

Mario Kart 8

IT'S ALRIGHT, I just wish Nintendo had gone more in the same direction they went with Smash Bros this year and tailored the game for a slightly more competitive environment. The rubberbanding and pretense that grandma is going to want to play the game with you for some reason holds it back from being a terrific racer. I got Sonic & All Stars Racing Transformed for my Wii U this year as well, and honestly I think I might like that game a little more.

Professor Layton Vs Ace Attorney

The Phoenix Wright trial segments are FANTASTIC, seriously some of the best ever created within the Ace Attorney series. I love Level-5s far more traditional puzzle take on the evidence, giving you a very small pool of it with multiple uses and actually requiring firm understanding and sound logic to pass testimonies. The Professor Layton sections however feel a little phoned in, maybe the trial segments just steal the show from them too much, but I was disappointed by puzzles included. The ending is going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of people and pretty much murders any replay value the game could possibly have, which would be fine only there's no COCKING CHAPTER SELECT FEATURE TO REPLAY THE TRIALS DANGNABBIT.

Loved the music though, some of my favourite of the year.

South Park: Stick of Truth

It wasn't awful, but definitely my biggest disappointment of the year. The amount of good comedy in videogames is genuinely pathetic and I thought this game could actually be notable and potentially groundbreaking in some ways. Turns out its just an incredibly short, overcomplicated (yet bizarrely easy) RPG with far too much faffing around with items and menus, featuring South Park humour at its absolute worst. There's a couple of good jokes in it but for the most part it's largely references and shock humour. A shame to be honest.

Hearthstone

YES I PLAYED A LITTLE OF HEARTHSTONE. NOT MUCH. BUT A LITTLE

IT'S A BIT LIKE YU-GI-OH! BUT A 1000 TIMES LESS COMPLICATED, PROBABLY FOR THE BEST

Yu-Gi-Oh! Millenium Duels

I ALSO ACTUALLY PLAYED SOME YU-GI-OH! THIS...okay I'm done with that.

It's literally nothing but the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game but on the PS3...somehow it has really severe framerate issues. You figure that one out.

Bayonetta 2

I like it! Just not as much as you! There's a full review on the site go read that I'm on the clock here.

Ace Attorney Trilogy

At time of writing I've beaten the first game again, I still think it's pretty great! The added fifth case that was initially exclusive to the DS remake is especially great, there's a lot of great subtext to it (even more so now due to recent events) and it feels legitimately big, like all sorts of scandals and corruption and political intrigue is just all collapsing in on itself. Trials and Tribulations is one of my favourite games of all time too; and let's not talk about Justice For All. Takumi had about three months to write the entire game, cut him some slack.

I'm not a fan of painting over fantastic pixel art for the sake of a glossy "HD" release, but it still looks fine. It'll do. I'll accept it. Still wish the 3DS had better sound so I could blast out Cornered ~2001 harder though.

Ultra Street Fighter IV

I'm six years late to the Street Fighter IV party...and unfortunately I think that might be far too late to get started now. I do like the game a lot though, I can see the little touches Capcom made to basically build tournament hype into the engine that's made the game such a huge success. I'll be there Day 1 for Street Fighter V though, don't you worry.

Guilty Gear Xrd 

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, anyone who complained about it having 3D models and running on Unreal has been proven to be dumb and wrong forever. Haven't played a lot of it yet, but I'll be putting in a bunch of hours in 2015!

Abe's Oddysee New N' Tasty

This remake's weird and I'm not sure I like it at all! Definitely doesn't have the same atmosphere of the PlayStation original, and the fact the controls have been "improved" to feel like a more traditional platformer doesn't seem like a great move when you're keeping essentially the same control and design. Also hate the autorun and dynamic camera angles, OddWorld's real cool though so I'll give this another shot at some point.

Captain Toad's Treasure Tracker

I only got it today! I'll review it properly soon! Let's move on!

Grand Theft Auto V

Grand Theft Auto in first person RULES, Grand Theft Auto V however still kind of does not. I don't think it says great things about the game that playing the same missions again but with completely different shooting and a new perspective made it way more enjoyable. The main thing I resent about GTA V on PS4 is it's actually kind of a good shooter now but it's still designed around a cover system that I wish wasn't there at all when playing this version. 

Other than that, it's still GTA V, warts and all. I probably enjoyed the story even less second time round. Let's put it this way, when I played Grand Theft Auto V on PS3 in 2013 I had not seen Reservoir Dogs, when I played Grand Theft Auto V on PS4 in 2014 I HAD seen Reservoir Dogs. You do the math.

Super Smash Bros on Wii U

First of all, Nintendo's strategy to put the inarguably inferior 3DS version out 2 months early then market the Wii U one on how much better and necessary to have it was is a work of god-damned genius. I still don't know why YOU bought the 3DS version though, seriously what is wrong with you.

I'm not a fan of how Nintendo's analogue sticks feel with 2D games on basically any of their controllers, maybe I just suck but I regularly have issues with changing directions quickly in these games and mess up inputs a lot. This is the first time I've been in danger of genuinely getting into Smash though, it feels like a lot of work has been put into every character in ways that aren't stupid. Definitely another game I'll be playing a lot more of in 2015.

LittleBigPlanet 3 

Another game I've done a full review of on this very site so GET LOOKING. It frustrates me to have to keep talking smack about these games, they're so close to being my favourite thing in the world but they fall down on the most important hurdle every time and I end up not liking them at all.

To paraphrase my favourite line from my review; "The most important thing with games based about level creators is making the game fun, there's a reason there's a thriving Super Mario World mod community and there isn't a Cool Spot one."

GAMES I HAVEN'T PLAYED BUT AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT ANYWAY

WWE 2K15

These are seriously some of the worst AAA games on the market right now, it's unbelievable and people should talk about them more. What amazes me is how they somehow still keep finding ways to take steps backward. I saw some footage of the PS4 version once and had to look up about 5 other videos of it to clarify because I couldn't believe how bad it looked, I seriously could not tell the difference between that and the PS3 version of 2K14 in gameplay.

But yea, these games are awful, and even the masochistic weirdos who buy them every year seem to agree WWE 2K15 was a terrible entry to the series. AVOID FOREVER.

Watch_Dogs

I'd just like to take this time to congratulate Watch_Dogs on its groundbreaking innovation and gamechanging mechanics. Specifically the amazing "press square on a traffic light to make a car teleport into reality and drive into another  car" function, which was used so prominently on every stream and video I saw of this game it may as well have been the core mechanic. 

Yoshi's New Island 

People love to love on Nintendo, but don't forget that they semi-regularly produce garbage like this too. An utterly pointless spin-off of a SNES classic which only serves to make the original more forgettable and stomp on its timeless art style. Haven't played it and never will, hate it just for existing.

The Evil Within

When you get over the ridiculous amounts of technical issues it has (no small feat) it doesn't seem THAT bad, not as bad as some people were making it seem anyway. Shinji Mikami knows how to do jumpscares and there's still some real solid looking action in this, but the story and environments are just strings of magical nonsense with the subtly of a sledgehammer to the groin and embarrassing amounts of the game look like they were copied and pasted from Resident Evil 4. Still, will probably pick up the PS4 version cheap at some point and give it a whirl. 

GAME OF THE YEAR 2014 TIME

Well, I didn't exactly fall in love with anything I played this year. But I did play The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds on the 3DS in January, which came out in late late 2013 and was better than anything I played this year. So I'm going to be an utter nob and just pick that and y'all are just going to have to deal with it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Sonic The Hedgehog RULES (in Super Smash Bros)

Super Smash Bros on Wii U is pretty great. That's about as much of a review as you're going to get here, Smash Bros in general seems to be one of those series that will forever be immune from criticism. At the end of the day; either you love yourself some Smash or you don't, I mean even Brawl wasn't bad enough to chase people away, this is just the way the world is. 

I will say the thing that really stands out about the new Smash is the attention to detail on...well basically everything, but especially the roster. Every character feels thought out, and it's the kind of game where you can play each character once and instantly know whether they're your kind of thing or not. Whereas in Brawl it felt like stuff was just being shoved in for the sake of having stuff, everything in the Wii U version feels like it's there for a reason.

However, as great as the majority of the roster is, the undisputed crown of "Best Character" HAS to go to Sonic The Hedgehog. Not necessarily because he's a top tier character (I don't know or care if he is or not) or that he's objectively the most fun or anything, but that no matter how good any of the other characters may be they aren't overcoming 20 years of poor design.

Seriously, Sonic The Hedgehog has never been better than he is in the new Smash Bros.

I am kind of a jerk when it comes to Sonic, I've written rambly 7,000 word pieces questioning whether even the classic games were ever any good, and I roll my eyes every time a new Sonic game comes out and we all have to play the "oh my god this one sucks TOO" game. Let the record also show that I also don't really like Sonic 4 or Sonic Generations either, and now that I've played the new Smash Bros I feel perfectly comfortable with throwing them on the "suck" pile as well.

I don't even want to talk about Sonic Generations. But I will say the fact people say the 2D parts of that are just as good as the original games makes me wonder how long its been since Sonic fans actually last played the "classics". Some of the 3D parts were okay, not enough to save the game though. 

Sonic 4 was in all honesty a genuine effort from Sonic Team. It looked alright, the music did have an aura of 16-bit nostalgia (although they did forget that a big part of why people love the old Sonic music is that it wasn't terrible) and they did try and tweak some frustrations the old games had. For example, wasn't it annoying when you would lose all your momentum in Sonic 3 and would have to stop and rev up a spindash to get out of pit or something? Well in Sonic 4 don't worry about that, because now you can just walk up the side of a hill from a standstill and everything will be fine!

Wait what.

Granted this does *kind of* solve the problem, but wasn't it kind of fun to rev up a spindash? Everyone who played Sonic 2 or 3 has sat there for a minute pointlessly mashing the button to charge up a spindash before letting it go. Why? Because it feels good man, Sonic feels like god-damned lightning in a bottle and you're sitting there mashing that button waiting for the stormclouds to gather before you let him go. I know you can still do that in Sonic 4 but it's not the same when you make momentum less important, Sonic is no longer this supercharged woodland animal that you want to make bounce across to the end of a racetrack, he's a stupid blue sloth you're just dragging to the end of mediocre platforming levels.

The point is, Sonic The Hedgehog *is* his movement, compromising that for the sake of the level design is freaking stupid and Sonic 4 blows because of it.

This is the fundamental thing Smash Bros gets so right. The character on the roster is undoubtedly and instantly recognisable as Sonic The Hedgehog, he's fast, he's got the classic sound effects, he freaks out if you stand too close to a ledge and of course you can rev up a spindash like normal! Once again he feels like lightning in a bottle, but yet always controlled. You control Sonic's speed by either moving the stick to walk or double tapping it to run. You can jump and even change direction multiple times while rolling around after a spindash. You can rev up a spindash, shoot yourself to the other side of the stage, use a special move to launch Sonic into the air and perform a divekick to fire yourself back onto the ground with ease in a matter of seconds. 

In short, Sonic The Hedgehog RULES in this game. He has the speed, he has the momentum, he's got that all important tiny bit of slide to him, and he never ever feels out of control despite how genuinely fast he is. He's not just a racetrack character any more, he's got some proper action chops to him now without requiring some weird airdash lock on move to bounce across rows of enemies. And the genius of all of this is it's done without any of the BS compromise of Sonic 4 or any other recent entry, this is the Sonic we all remember just a heck of a lot better. Sonic can be fun and fast and smart and maybe even not irritating! Honestly, this is all a little humbling, I've been saying for years that there's probably not going to be another great Sonic game. Now I basically have to accept there almost certainly will be.

It's just the catch is Sega and Sonic Team will have nothing to do with it. 

It's time for Nintendo and/or Sega (probably Sega) to get on the phone and get that dream Mario/Sonic crossover platformer cooking. Imagine the level design and polish of Super Mario 3D Land but basically a lot faster and maybe with some chilli dogs as powerups in it. It'd be BEAUTIFUL.

So yea, maybe buy the new Smash over Sonic Boom okay?

LittleBigPlanet 3 Review - As Wonderful and Janky as ever

I'm not sure why I even bothered playing LittleBigPlanet 3 before writing this review, I could have just as easily drafted this entire thing 5 months ago when the game was shown at E3 2014 as part of Sony's press conference. Those first 5 seconds of that trailer sum up the entire experience: feelings of hope as the logo pops up, a beautiful colourful world bursting with personality appears...then Sackboy does his goofy floaty jump, and hearts worldwide sink to the centre of the Earth. 

So yes, LittleBigPlanet continues to be the most frustrating series in videogames. It ticks so many of the right boxes and scratches so many itches but it's continually brought down by this one huge flaw it has. I've played all three home console LittleBigPlanet entries and it still baffles me just how long Sackboy floats in the air before he lands, it's simply wrong. It still drives me nuts that there isn't a button to run yet there's a button to cover the level in stickers for no reason. It might be even worse in LittleBigPlanet 3, which adds depth perception issues to the clumsiness, as well as changeable weapons/items that you fire with the same button you use to grab, making it ridiculously easy to accidentally shoot the thing you're trying to grab out of reach. 

It's so hard to be mean about LittleBigPlanet, it continues to have decent and occasionally great level design, it's looks fantastic, the concept is wonderful and the physics of all the different materials and objects gives it world and objects some true weight and meaning. But you know what, all those things have been praised to death in reviews for the first four LittleBigPlanet games and there's no getting away from it any more...the game feels like garbage. It's floaty, flaky, unnatural feeling vile trash which insults the senses of anyone with a history of 2D platforming. It's kind of a big deal.

There are signs of life within LittleBigPlanet 3 however, as well as the returning Sackboy there are three brand new characters with their own controls and playstyles! Now you can be sack-dog, sack-fat-guy or sack-chicken (they have real names but who cares)! Sack-dog can run fast and jump off walls, sack-fat-guy can switch between large and small while sack-chicken can fly around. Their addition is pretty interesting, especially considering this game was developed by Sumo Digital instead of original creators Media Molecule. Maybe this new team also thought Sackboy was kind of rubbish but were too scared to change it so they injected their own characters to the mix.

The new characters are welcome additions as their inclusion opens new possibilities for level creators to base levels around all or one of them. They're not enough to save this game from its fatal flaw however, the best of the three is sack-dog just because the platforming begins to actually have some genuine flow when you play as him. Even then, you don't have enough control over his speed (run button please!!!!) and he gets stuck to walls without the slick slide of Super Meat Boy, so we're still not quite there yet.

Probably the funniest part of the new characters is they have the side effect of making Sackboy feel even more crap. In the main story mode you collect marbles in several levels as Sackboy to unlock one of the new characters in each world, then you play a tutorial level and a boss level as those characters to get a feel for them. However, as soon as you proceed to the next world it's straight back to Sackboy with his jaunty run and floaty hop, and boy do you really miss that wall jump when that happens. 

Let's talk about the story mode a little bit first though, because I've never understood this aspect of LittleBigPlanet and it makes even less sense in 3. I understand why you would want a story mode in there, get some on-disc professionally made content in the package which shows off what's possible to do within the level creator. But what is the deal with having the objects for the level creator locked and hard as balls to obtain within these levels? There's objects you can only get if you have a second player and there's objects you can only get by perfecting a level by not dying and finding all the hidden objects within the stage. Even worse, LittleBigPlanet 3 includes one of the classic platformer-sequel sins of having some collectibles only obtainable via characters and items unlocked later in the game, forcing repeat plays and backtracking.

What is the thought process here? If I'm the sort of player who's just here to run through the levels on-disc and maybe community created too then I don't care about collecting all the object for the level creator anyway. But on the other hand, if I am the sort of player who wants to dive head first into the level creator, then I want to be designing and playing my own levels, so why I am so thoroughly encouraged to play the on-disc levels over and over and over?

Of course we haven't actually discussed the level creator itself yet, the main event when it comes to LittleBigPlanet, and we're not going to either because I haven't tried it out.

...oh don't look at me like that.

Look here is the issue that just shoots this entire franchise through the head for me and a lot of people like me. LittleBigPlanet is wonderful, it's so close to being one of my favourite games, I'm sure the level creator is great and has had its interface improved and all that good stuff you would expect from a sequel, but I don't care. I don't want to make levels in LittleBigPlanet because I wouldn't want to play anything I could make in LittleBigPlanet. There is a reason why there's a thriving Super Mario World ROM modding community and there isn't a Cool Spot one, level creators are only exciting when the game you're creating for is interesting. Also, with Mario Maker heading to the Wii U next year, I'm finding it even more difficult to entertain the possibility of ever making a level in LittleBigPlanet again.

Having said that, if you are someone who had each of their fingers smashed in with a hammer as a child and think LittleBigPlanet is a great platformer, Sumo Digital have done a mostly good job with this new one. It's a bit glitchy and stuttery which is a first for the series, but the new characters are at least better than Sackboy, the level design is still good and it still has all the charm that makes LittleBigPlanet a game we all really want to love. Also it has Hugh Laurie in it.

For everyone else who's been put off by the LittleBigPlatforming already, rest assured it still blows and there's nothing in this new one that'll change your mind. Ah well, it's not all a loss Sony, the level editor in the new Smash Bros isn't that great so at least you won at something.

The Contradiction of Wrestling Videogames

Well it's that time of year again; the WWE are plopping out another "videogame" into the cultural landfill. At time of writing WWE 2K15 is already out on previous generation consoles with PlayStation 4 and Xbox One versions on the way and they sure have a LOT of graphics. I haven't played the game and never will; the WWE 2K games are the equivalent of taking two wrestling action figures and smashing them together in your hands. Wait no scratch that, they're more like telling your little brother how to smash the action figures together until eventually you both break down in tears from the bleakness of your own existence.

There's no doubt about it people, WWE 2K15 is god-awful, as was WWE 2K14, WWE 12 was embarrassing, wrestling games sure have sucked for a while now. This is normally the part where people start gushing with nostalgia regarding the old Nintendo 64 games or something, but to be honest I'm starting to question whether wrestling games have ever been good. But let's not get into that now.

Wrestling games often get dumped in with other sports franchises, especially with the WWE games being long established as a yearly franchise now and are also accompanied with all the stats and licensed crap you would expect from an official Madden or FIFA release. Here's where the problem with these games is rooted; "real" competitive sports are already games in themselves. Whether it's soccer, or tennis, or even something like Mixed Martial Arts or sumo wrestling, they all have set rules and the participants are attempting to win within said rules. So a videogame based on a competitive sport transfers nicely (most of them) into a competitive videogame where you take the same rules but replace the athletic participation with game mechanics. The design philosophy of both entities is identical, you have the same rules and everyone involved is still trying to win.

Professional wrestling however is it a different beast. Not to be the guy who tells kids that there's no Santa Claus, but wrestling isn't actually real and the vast majority of the fanbase understands that. So what you have is two (or more) participants pretending to have a competitive contest with a pre-determined result, but the actual goal is to work together to entertain the audience with the best match possible. This is not to say the audience doesn't care who wins or how, but wrestling uses dramatic elements from more conventional forms of storytelling to make you root for one character over another. Scripted elements and structured storytelling (when it's done right anyway) combine with the appeal of live entertainment and athleticism to create one of the most unique shows on the planet, and even though everyone knows it's "fake" it still works due to elements of realism that come from the personalities of the real-life performers. It's a lot of fun to get into when it's good, and just about as much fun to laugh at when it gets really stupid.

But here's where the contradiction of wrestling videogames comes in; at their core almost all of them are competitive multiplayer games, but they are simultaneously attempting to come off like the real thing. This has got out of control with the recent WWE games, there's an absurd amount of focus on replicating the real television show's camera angles, and in emulating specific chains of moves. Some grapple attacks actually include a sequence where your opponent counters you multiple times mid-animation with no input or control from either player. So what you end up with is basically a fighting game where both participants are trying to beat the other, but the rules and mechanics are defined by design principles that the game should emulate a staged contest where the emphasis is to entertain. A real fight (or even something cartoony like a Street Fighter fight) doesn't look anything like a wrestling match, no-one punches each other in the face for 45 minutes and keeps going on adrenaline fuelled comebacks. 

Here's the worst example from a recent game that I can come up with which illustrates this point. In WWE 2K14 (and to be honest, I'm just going to go ahead and assume this is still a problem in WWE 2K15) it is possible to completely curbstomp your opponent for the entirety of the match without taking any damage, receive a finisher for the momentum, have your finisher attempt countered which now gives your opponent full momentum, then get hit by a finisher and lose because the pinfall mini game is more difficult to beat after a finishing move. The thought behind this is that:

• The climax of a wrestling match should always be exciting and involve crucial reversals.
• A wrestlers marketed and long established finishing move should always be harder to recover from.
• If a wrestler attempts his finishing move, chances are it's a part of the climax so an attempt at a finisher by the other guy shouldn't be too far behind.

The result of this is you end up with scenarios that both fail to represent a real physical contest, a scripted wrestling match and the balance of a well-designed competitive videogame. I don't think it's any coincidence that the majority of the more fondly remembered wrestling games (the Nintendo 64 ones, the early Smackdown games, WWE All Stars) hold a closer resemblance to arcade button mashers than any kind of attempt at a "simulation". Most modern wrestling games try to walk the line between simulation and competitiveness, and the result is pretty much always complete garbage.

So what can be done to improve wrestling games and if not entirely remove, but at least subdue this fundamental contradiction? I think wrestling games need to focus more on what actually makes wrestling so fun in the first place, the personalities. Now, that's not to say I think there should be Guitar Hero minigames as you bash buttons in sequence with your wrestler spewing catchphrases in a backstage interview, but something can definitely be done to encourage the player not just to win but win in the coolest way possible.

The Smackdown series of games has dabbled with this in the past; in some versions mashing the punch button or reusing the same move over and over again will cause the crowd to boo you and take away your momentum. That's the kind of mentality we need more of! Only it needs to be plastered over the entire engine, imagine if instead of trying to reverse a guy when he tries to pick you off the floor, you're encouraged to wait until he has you to your foot when you can respond with a punch to the face because it gives you more momentum. Encourage combo attacks too, if you're Daniel Bryan and you dropkick someone out of the ring, then you sure as sugar should be wanting to go for an outside dive immediately following that. 

That's just more exciting I tell you! It's far more interesting than the reverse-fest farces the current games have turned into, and since wrestling matches usually feature a lot of moves it's going to require some re-education of the player to strip them of this problem. People who are still buying the WWE 2K games every year have been so mellowed out by its blandness by now I don't think they know how to feel things any more other than occasional rage.

Wrestling games simply need to embrace something like this to make them more special, they can't keep going for realism because that's not something wrestling is synonymous with in the first place. They need to become fighting/grappling games where the focus is on spectacle and drama. NOT the spectacle and drama of the television show, you can't recapture that and all attempts to so far have been embarrassing. Let the games breathe with their own special moments and interesting situations. 

I guess I'm referring to the same sort of drama that high level Street Fighter play has, where the excitement comes from crazy comebacks and micro stories regarding the players and the characters they pick which takes the audience on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Wrestling games could easily be encouraging their players to emulate that excitement in as many matches as possible. Wow, my idea of a perfect wrestling game is one that does what professional wrestling does to real fighting to other fighting games. That wasn't even intentional, but it's not really that surprising! 

Bottom line; drop the "it's just like the show!" stuff and make a real videogame already, gosh dang it.