After an amount of weeks I can't be bothered to look up break, the Raw Recap has returned!
The show starts with the NEW WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION Dean Ambrose arriving at the arena and almost leaving the belt in his taxi. I fear that might be a less embarrassing way for him to lose the title than what they'll actually come up with.
Segment #1 - Dean Ambrose Opening Promo
I'm happy for Dean but it still feels like they missed their window of opportunity on this guy. Winning the title after Brock ate all his momentum and a feud with Dadicho that never got as heated as it needed to doesn't feel like best case scenario but at least they haven't left him to die as I feared. The crowd claws itself towards a "You Deserve It!" chant and gets there eventually.
I don't know if there's ever been a Raw where I didn't complain about the opening segment being lazy but they have to be more creative than this when big angles go down. For over a year JBL has been screaming on commentary "Maggle can you imagine WHAT WOULD HAPPEN if that LUNATIC ended up with the WWE title?" and the night after he actually wins it...Raw starts the same way it always done with Ambrose cutting an in-ring promo for no apparent reason.
Ambrose celebrates his victory, Robo Reigns comes out and says last night was Ambrose's night and congratulates him. Ambrose says he would have cashed him on Roman, but the crowd doesn't care about that because they're too busy chanting "You Can't Wrestle!" at Roman. Seth storms down to the ring and says Ambrose stole the title and Roman needs to go to the back. Shane comes out and makes a match between Seth Vs Roman for the No 1 Contendership, Seth says he already beat Roman and has nothing to prove, he's got a point! Maybe Seth shouldn't have beaten Roman clean last night!
Segment #2 - Sami Zayn Vs Kevin Owens
I hope these guys get drafted to separate brands, it was logical for them to feud when they both made it to the main roster but we're getting into Dark Knight "destined to do this forever" territory now. Owens limps down to the ring but the announcers don't feel like the Michinoku Driver Zayn gave to him on the ladder is worth mentioning.
It's hard to imagine these guys having a bad match but they're not given much time for this one. Zayn counters a Pop-Up Powerbomb attempt into a victory roll and gets a surprise pinfall. After the match KO tries to powerbomb Zayn off the stage but Zayn fights him off until referees break it up. I'm guessing they'll have a blow off match at the next Pay-Per-View and then head to separate brands.
After the commercial break Zayn and Owens are still brawling backstage, no amount of referees or security can keep them apart until Finlay gets involved.
Segment #3 - John Laurinatis Promo
As part of the running gag of all the former General Managers coming back to promote the upcoming draft Mr Excitement himself shows up. For some reason JBL is really excited to see him even though he wasn't on the show when Johnny was around. I'll give Laurinatis credit I genuinely can't tell whether he's horrible on purpose any more, his run as Raw GM always felt like a backstage rib that got out of control. Shane McMahon interrupts him and says Johnny isn't going to run Smackdown because he is. SAWFT come out and Shane passes the torch of goofy entrance walk to Enzo.
Segment #4 - SAWFT Vs Vaudevillains
This seems like a throwaway match to have on Raw with no fanfare, but that seems to be a running theme for this show. It's as routine as you can get too, Enzo gets beaten up for two minutes, gets a "hot" tag and Cass instantly wins the match. I'm a big fan of their tag team finisher too where the little guy does a splash and the big guy pats him on the back on the way down in a "yayyyyyyy I'M HELPING" sort of way.
Segment #5 - The Club promo
AJ Styles talks about his tainted victory over Cena and how he should feel better about it, he calls out Anderson and Gallows for a public apology for their involvement. Anderson and Gallows comply but its obvious all three of them are taking the piss. A decade ago AJ was a short haired good Christian boy with no personality, it's kind of impressive how good he's got at being a dick. AJ says they also need to apologise to Cena who comes out on the ramp and says AJ broke the contract he signed where there would be no Club in the match.
The Club stick to their BS story, I love how Cena is more pissed off that AJ doesn't have any respect for THE WRESTLING than he is at what AJ did to him. AJ says Cena has wrestle anyone from the Club tonight, Cena's VENGEANCE BONER kicks in and he storms down to the ring wanting AJ, but AJ excludes himself. AJ says Anderson can beat Cena by himself so he and Gallows leave ringside.
Segment #6 - John Cena Vs Karl Anderson
This Raw probably has too much going on for its own good, but considering a couple of years ago your average three hour Raw had about 20 minutes of entertainment on it it's not the worst problem to have. The good news is WWE don't actually waste a match between Anderson and Cena on a random Raw, the bad news is Cena makes Anderson look like an absolute chump until Gallows and AJ interfere and start beating him down. The Club hit a Magic Killer and a Styles Clash on Cena and Byron gets really angsty about it on commentary.
Seth says he'll beat Roman. Yup.
Becky is interviewed about how another friend turned on her. Don't bother with them Becky! Keep your socialising on Twitter when you can be distant and in control. Natalya attacks her from behind.
Segment #7 - Baron Corbin Vs Zack Ryder
Baron does one of the oldest heel tricks ever; pretending to have an eye injury so he can get a cheap shot, and the announcers seem utterly confused by it. For a 20 year announcing veteran and a former wrestler Cole and Byron do really good impression of people who have never seen wrestling before every week. It's a competitive match but that's about all Zack Ryder can hope for, after a couple of minutes Baron hits End of Days for the win.
Segment #8 - WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP - Charlotte Vs Paige
Michael Cole starts calling the match as soon as the bell rings for the pre-championship match introductions, again, the impression is FLAWLESS. A minute into the match Dana Brooke pulls Charlotte out of Paige's grip right in front of the referee, then gets involved to give Charlotte an obvious advantage but doesn't get removed from ringside. For god's sake, last week Owens broke up a pinfall in a tag match and dragged his partner to the corner and tagged himself off, and now this, enforce your rules you chumps.
Charlotte hits a moonsault on Paige and looks about ready to cry when she kicks out. After a brief exchange Paige hits the Rampaige near the ropes. Dana grabs Charlotte's foot and puts it on the rope, but she screws it up and ends up having to grapple the foot on the rope right in the front of the referee. Some awkwardness occurs, the ref throws Dana out while the FINISH is happening probably due to Vince screams in his ear and Charlotte wins. An okay match ruined by two really bad spots. I don't want to knock her personally but I do not understand why Dana Brooke is on the main roster, and any more gaffs like these she won't be around for too much longer.
After the match Charlotte and Dana beat down Paige, Sasha's music hits and she fights them off with Paige. Sasha holds up the women's title to Yes! chants.
Reigns does a terrible promo, the Wyatts show up for the first time in months...again...with little fanfare.
Segment #9 - Wyatt Family and New Day promo
The crowd is pumped to see the Wyatts, it doesn't take long for Bray to get interrupted by the New Day...for no real reason. Xavier locks eyes with Bray and gets caught in a trance, no idea what that's about. I can't say I'm not interested in this feud but WWE do crap like this all the time and it's the worst way to start a feud. It's like New Day checked the script and saw they were feuding with the Wyatts next so came out to declare their intention to start a feud.
I'm guessing either one or both of these teams are getting broken up in the draft, or they'll end up on different shows and WWE don't want to miss their opportunity to do this so they're rushing into it. And let's face it, don't all good wrestling storylines start off like that?
No?
Another Backlund and Darren Young promo air, the fact WWE are playing these on Smackdown first makes me think they might not have that much faith in them.
Segment #10 - Rusev Vs Titus O'Neil
God there is too much too fast on this show, we're still only three quarters of the way through it and I'm already burnt out. Now we go from a Lana introduction for Rusev, an entrance, then cut back to Renee Young to interview Titus, and now we have another rematch from a Pay-Per-View on the show.
Rusev plays some mind games running at Titus while he tries to get in the ring. Then a big beefy brawl breaks out before a bell rings. It's a clash of ideologies, the Ultimate American Dad Vs the Bulgarian who rejects the capitalist construct of "Dad". It's not exactly pretty or well coordinated but it's accompanied with a lot sweaty man flesh slaps. Rusev runs away after getting thrown over the guard rail.
Michael Cole talks about the draft on the first live Smackdown, he claims it brings up an interesting question, WHAT IF THE MIZ AND MARYSE WERE SPLIT UP? Yea that's clearly what's on everyone's mind. It's just an awkward segue into another Miz Facebook video from the set of the Marine 5. Y'know I like Miz with the title but if there's one guy on the roster who shouldn't disappear from the roster for weeks to record a movie it's the INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION.
Dadicho gets in Shane McMahon's face backstage, he claims Shane didn't make him the No 1 Contender because he doesn't like him. He says he hopes he doesn't get drafted to the show Shane will run, Shane says he's gonna run both. Dadicho pulls a dad face.
Segment #11 - NO 1 CONTENDERSHIP - Seth Rollins Vs Roman Reigns
Deano the Dude is on commentary, Seth Rollins is a grump, Roman Reigns is met with "You Can't Wrestle!" "Yes He Can!" dueling chants, which isn't quite as impressive as "Let's Go Cena!" "Cena Sucks!" Dean gets much more intense whenever he thinks about either man trying to take his title around. Intense Ambrose is so much better than Kooky Ambrose and I hope he finds a better balance as this story builds.
This is Seth's first match on Raw since his injury, and this is Roman's first main event segment on Raw in I don't even know how long, it's kind of strange how little he was featured on the show while he was champion. The match itself is a strong performance by both men but I still think it's kind of scummy to do Pay-Per-View rematches on free TV the night after, especially one you promoted as WRESTLEMANIA MAIN EVENT WORTHY.
Roman spears Rollins over the announce table and both men fail to make it back into the ring for a double count out. Shane McMahon says THAT'S NOT HOW WE DO IT, Dean says he'll just fight them both at Battleground, Shane makes a triple threat and that's that. Dean hits Dirty Deeds on Roman and Seth. If they continue this trend of Ambrose getting even nuttier whenever his title is threatened this could be a really great development for his character.
We're getting the Shield main event at Battleground, so god knows what they'll do for Summerslam, but no way these three guys will all end up on the same show so fair's fair.
Closing Thoughts
This is the kind of Raw that's mostly exhausting to watch. There were good things on it but outside of the main event very little of them were given time to breathe or mean anything. I'd expect the show to feel like this for the next couple of weeks, a lot of stuff is getting rushed together before the draft changes everything. Slightly too much happening is better than nothing happening.
RATING: Thumbs up and thumbs down I'LL TAKE EM BOTH
