Summerslam 2013 Review

How did this years Summerslam event hold up after weeks of genuine anticipation?

Pre-Show Match - Rob Van Dam def. Dean Ambrose via DQ
I'm really getting annoyed at wrestling crowds, nothing against this match but the fact fans these days are fickle enough to chant "This is Wrestling" and "This is Awesome" for no apparent reason is depressing. An absolutely bizarre point of this match is halfway through it cuts away from a live stream to a WWE 2K14 like a regular televised match which comes off as especially phony on the prelude to a Pay-Per-View show. The match is fun especially for a freebie but is riddled with interference from The Shield, Mark Henry and Big Show, there was definitely enough action to want to see these guys wrestle again. 

Ring of Fire Match - Bray Wyatt def. Kane via Pinfall - 1/10
This was a terrible idea in every sense imaginable. First off this didn't even conceptually make sense because if the point was to have a match to get rid of outside interference then there's something called a CAGE. Which might have actually worked because the Wyatt family got in anyway by utilising the innovative idea of getting over fire by throwing a big cloth over it. Other than that, the idea was basically to let Bray Wyatt wrestle his debut in an environment surrounded by fire burning up the oxygen in the ring and exhausting the performers almost instantly. Also the cheesy Summerslam Miz hosting stuff and national anthem being followed by this was a horrible change of tone to kick off the show. Bad match, bad idea, bad opening and it was bloody stupid, so no more fire matches ever again please WWE.

Cody Rhodes def. Damien Sandow via Pinfall - 5/10
Surprisingly short and very forgettable match, considering the time the match above took up these guys could have had more time. They did their job though in terms of clearing the air and getting the show back on track so credit them for that. Rhodes gets a pretty definitive win here so creative might have plans to move him up the roster in the near future.

World Heavyweight Championship - Alberto Del Rio def. Christian via Submission - 8/10
A fantastic match to fill out the middle of this show, quite possibly one of Del Rios best matches in the WWE. The main issue with World Title matches is that title hasn't been relevant for at least two years (I personally would argue more) and certainly can't be considered a World Championship any more. WWE openly acknowledge this now by regularly dumping it in midcard segments on television and the first hour of Pay-Per-Views. Regardless, Christian and Del Rio put on a very good and surprisingly physical match with visual wounds on both which made for great in-ring action.

Natalya def. Nikki Bella via Submission - 10/10
I went to the bathroom so I don't know what happened. I have no doubts it was the best segment on the show though so I better give it a 10 just to be safe. DON'T FORGET TO TUNE IN TOTAL DIVAS ON E! BY THE WAY.

No Disqualification Match - Brock Lesnar def. CM Punk - 9.5/10
You could put Brock Lesnar in there with a sack of potatoes and it would still be entertaining just due to the guys amazing athletic ability, so when you put him in there with Punk you know you're going to get something special. Great physical match, with the last 10 minutes being a breathtaking set of false climaxes (and I don't just mean kicking out of finishers) with the energy levels of both performers and live crowd being high. The match takes a minor dent in the rating for the frankly distracting amount of delayed top rope manoeuvres. That's a nitpick though, don't read too much into, awesome match.

Mixed Tag Match - Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn def. Big E Langston and AJ - 5/10
Shout outs to Big E Langston, he's obviously a bit green but it's nice to see a big muscle guy in the WWE who can actually move around and do stuff. A basic television match to space out the main events, there's not much else to say about it. I think I would have preferred to actually see Dolph and Big E gets a single match to themselves on this show. 

WWE Championship Match - Daniel Bryan def. John Cena - 10/10
This match was INCREDIBLE. Anyone who says Cena can't work needs to watch this over and over again, everything about this match was paced and performed like it was Bryans night. Cena very subtly worked a heel style match to keep the crowd on Bryan's side for the entire night, other than a tiny spatter at the end there were no Cena chants, which is unbelievable. Amazing match, an amazing moment in WWE history, until...

WWE Championship Match - Randy Orton def. Daniel Bryan 
Triple H Pedigrees Daniel Bryan after Orton comes out, Orton holds off for a while but when the work is done Orton cashes and gets a quick pin. After all the work the main event did into making Bryans WWE title win a truly amazing win, this was a perfect heel turn for Orton and HHH. The individual components of this weren't unpredictable, but the scenario as a whole was very clever and expertly done. 

EVENT RATING - 9/10 
The six guys in the three top matches delivered for an overall amazing show. The incredibly poor start and needless faffing around on other parts of the night harmed the flow of the show in places. Ultimately, the two exciting matches delivered and a genuinely well done and surprising heel turn capped off the show in an exciting twist. The WWE now has a new top face and a top heel, everything has changed and the future looks bright. Great show.

DuckTales Remastered Review

Nostalgia is almost insulting if you think about it, it's basically the notion that we continue to like the things we enjoyed when we were young and stupid and ate paste into adulthood because we lack the critical spectrum to evolve our own tastes. Franchises like Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon pretty must entirely exist based on people claiming it's the best thing ever because it seemed that way when they were seven. I was a Sega kid growing up and I had all the Sonic games for the Master System, Mega Drive and Game Gear and I will proudly state right here that Sonic is a conceptually flawed series with a bucketlist of poor design choices and there isn't a single game of that series which can hold a candle to the (proper) Mario games of the time. Know that no game released in 2013 shall get a free pass from me because it used to be good.

Oh right DuckTales, let's get point one out of the way quickly. If you've never played the first NES DuckTales game or seen the TV show of the same name....get out. There is nothing for you here and don't buy DuckTales Remastered, I assume you that you'll get zero enjoyment out of it. And if you happen to have played the second NES DuckTales game...I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry...

This project was handled by Wayforward, an extremely talented developer known for producing a lot of strong retro inspired titles for a variety of systems. You can generally rely on them to do justice to the original game and serve the nostalgia blinded when handling a remake....and little else. The first issue one runs into when remaking DuckTales for modern release is the fact that one thing a lot of people seem to forget about the NES game is that it's like 15 minutes long. You can probably speed run it in under 10, so obviously Wayforward needed to find a way to pad this out a bit and their chosen method of doing so - CUTSCENES.

Yes cutscenes, you know cutscenes, that entirely non-interactive entity that interactive experiences regularly use to tell stories for some reason. The idea here was to package each level of the game with it's own DuckTales style storyline, and have the action stop every so often for Scrooge to blabber on about how he's just found a coin or a key or a sex toy or something. They even managed to get the entire TV show cast back to do the voices,  and all in all there's a lot of effort into it and it's all really nice, but ultimately the main effect achieved by these cutscenes is that they bring the games pace to a crashing halt. 

This is Wayforwards biggest, and for some people crucial, error on DuckTales Remastered. You want to redesign and repackage the game to have a storytelling focus in the spirit and personality of the original show, fine. But you can't do that and still keep all the unforgiving NES gameplay on board, with the main offender being the inclusion of a lives system. Lives systems have made little sense in non-arcade games for pretty much forever now, but this is a game where they especially don't make sense.


If you happen to lose your three lives because sometimes the controls screw up a bit (and they do), or because of some obnoxious level design, or because you can barely see some platforms and blocks because they blend into the background (another common issue), or because the hitboxes on a lot of enemies and hazards are really weird...then BAM! Back to the stage select screen you go and if you play the level again all the cutscenes come with them, you can skip them but you have to pause the game to do that so it still ruins the flow and makes reattempts a frustrating and depressing experience. I'm not saying it's too hard either because it's not, but this is the kind of game that has a lot of niggles like the ones above and sometimes you will just die, it's not necessarily a matter of skill.

You CANNOT have the NES unforgiving gameplay with longer levels and bigger bosses, keep the same lives system and then give the game a story focus, that makes NO sense. 

Wayforward have done what they do best well, the art (with the help of Disney animators) is amazing, Jake Kaufmans updated soundtrack is astounding, and there's clearly a lot of love for the original game here and nice touches such as the option to swim around in Scrooges gold for no reason other than why not? DuckTales Remastered is confused though, it's like Wayforward are so terrified to offend fans of the NES game or get accused of "dumbing it down" that they made design decisions that make no sense. I know they're a strong developer, their entirely original Mighty Switch Force titles are wonderful, intuitive and brilliantly designed games, but in handling a nostalgic retro product they don't seem to bring that to the table.

Overall, DuckTales Remastered is a cartoon that's less entertaining to watch than the actual show, and a game that's not as fun as the original NES version. Instead of using the original title as a jumping off point to make a truly fantastic title, Wayforward have instead preserved, padded and stretched it out almost to breaking point. It's not worthless by any means, and if you are a big fan of the original game you will still probably at least  appreciate it, but it is confused and it could have been a lot better. 

I'm happy DuckTales Remastered exists, I'm happy that Wayforward handled the project, but this could have been a lot more. 

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